Suicide
by Cleo Lupin
Summary: The name says it all. This is what is running through Matt's mind as he decides to take the ultimate step . . . please R


I hope that this story will get some reviews it was bugging me all day and while it is not as good as it could be I hope that someone out there can understand what I mean when they read this story.  
  
Suicide  
  
  
'That's it' I thought as I walked from my car and to my apartment carrying the bags of groceries I had just bought. 'No matter I go everybody knows me I can't even walk down the street anymore without being mobbed, and everyone seems to want to meet the famous Matt Ishada.' I set the bags down on the counter, and started pulling out the contents. Inside was everything from aspirin to sleeping pills. I pulled out all the medicines then a small black notebook. It was just a regular 50-page notebook, but this was going to be last thing anyone ever knew of me. I started opening bottles of medicine and pulled a small bowl from the cabinet. After I had all 7 bottles open I started to write in my notebook.  
  
Dear friends,  
I know that this is stupid, that I'm about to take the easy way out but I want you to know that I just can't take it anymore. I hate myself for doing this and I want to apologize for hurting you. If I don't survive what I'm about to do I want you to know that you have all changed me but I can't stand having people mob me anymore. No matter where I go everybody knows me. I've almost been raped 3 times, and I've had girls try everything from telling me they love me to claiming that they are having my baby. I'm tired of the publicity and this is the only way I know that I can get out. In this notebook I'm going to keep a journal of everything I do tonight for as long as I can. I'm also going to write you all a letter to tell you everything I can think of that you may need to know.  
Goodbye my friends I will miss you all  
Love,  
Matt Ishada  
  
  
  
'There now for TK's letter.' On the next page I wrote another apology to my brother for not being there for him when he would need me most and that I won't be there for him in the future. I asked him to look to Tai now that I wouldn't be here for him and that I wanted him to take good care of Kari and to never hurt her. Next I wrote to Tai. I asked him to take care of everyone especially TK and Sora. I wished him and Sora a good life and told him to never give up his courage. Sora's letter was much like TK's I wished her a happy life and to keep her love alive with Tai. The rest of the letters where much like the first three and then I was done.   
I started to pore the bottles into the bowl until only one was left and the bowl was full. I looked at the last bottle. Sleeping pills. I looked back at my notebook where I had been keeping track of what I had put into the bowl. I did some quick addition and realized that I had nearly 100 pills. I sighed and got a glass of water. I took two sleeping pills, and that was how the night started.  
  
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I woke up in my bed the next morning and tried to remember what had happened. I looked over and saw the notebook laying open on my nightstand. I grabbed it and started reading trying to figure out what had happened. As soon as I saw the notes I remembered what I had started out to do but every thing after those first two sleeping pills was blurry. I looked at the page right after where I had written the pills I had planned to take. All it said was . . .  
  
What was I thinking? How could I even consider suicide? Too many people care about me maybe if I take these sleeping pills I'll forget everything until the morning when I can handle it better.  
  
I ran to the kitchen where the bowl of pills still sat and realized what had happened. I never took the pills I never even tried to do it. I picked up the phone and made two calls, one to a help center and the other to an old friend. As Tai pulled into the drive I dumped the pills into the sink and walked out the door. 'Maybe it's not as hopeless as I thought' was the last thing on my mind before I left my apartment and got in Tai's car. Now I would get all the help I needed. I hoped that one day I could look back on that night and not worry if I would try it again. 


End file.
